taffsayswhat's Cancer Blog
August 17, 2008
Thank you everyone for your lovely comments. Joyce, Sherri, Jill, Sharon, Paul, Gaile and Naunie. You lot are just fantastic and make me even more glad to be here.
I always try to keep a positive attitude, but every now and again I get days like today when I just feel like giving up. I’m so tired in every possible way. I start thinking ‘what’s the use’. What’s the use to go through the side effects of chemotherapy if I’ll eventually just die anyway? What’s the use if I’ll never marry the girl of my dreams and we’ll never have children. I will miss so many Christmas days with my family, so many birthdays of my loved ones, so many new movies and songs, so many historic happenings, my little sister getting married and me eventually becoming an uncle. The worst part, I think, even more so than missing all of those things, is leaving behind the people I love. Perhaps it would be easier if I were alone, but then again not.
I sit here and watch the Olympics, doing nothing more but wonder if I’ll make it to London 2012, something I would love since it would be so nearby.
It feels funny that after being praised for being so positive I end up making an entry such as this one. Sorry about that.
Thanks for your support -
I hate the roller coaster feel of cancer. so down one day and up the next. I just crave stability .
That’s true. Their are time that we want to give up with all the side effects of the treatment that we have gone through. But if we only just focus on the good memories to be with our family and love ones it keeps us going on fighting this deadly disease. Always be positive all the time and ask help from our creator and with him nothing is impossible! You can make it Recalling those times that I’ve been alone in this country it’s really depressing but i always visualize the good things that i could still do for myself and be with my family. Thanks god I’m much better now and I’m on my 4th yr. with my hormonal therapy taking tamoxifin and 1 more yr. to go and I’m done. Don’t give up!Never, never , never, ok? Always keep the big smile on your face. You need to LIVESTRONG and marry the girl of your dreams and for sure you can make it at the 2012 olympics. We’re always here for you. Keep going like an energizer do. It won’t take you that long just keep on fighting and you really can make it. Hugs and kisses from me and some of your supporters.
Your are welcome.
I know that each one of us feel that way at one time or another. We are here to love and support,the good times, not so good time.
So vent cry or laugh. We are here for you.
Hug Sherri
I know by now, you are probably feeling “up” again. Just know it’s okay and expected for all of us to have our “down” days. Live for eacy day and keep the faith——you never know what new stuff they are going to come up with that can ease your pain and make you more comfortable. I’m being treated with medicine that wasn’t even on the market two years ago…..
Keep in touch! (and continue to watch the Olympics!)
This was so much harder before I found this sight and realized that I was not alone in my massive mood swings and un-explained onset depression.
I hope you are on an upswing. I would hope that you would fight through this and be better.
Be blessed
Mac
Taff!
We are all here to support each other. The mood swings are allowed you know. We all have them. We also all understand your sad thoughts… we have those too. I cry when I think about missing my kid’s weddings, and not being a grandma. But I also see how many of my family and friends will be devastated when I am gone. They depend on me and we love each other so much. I then realize that I must stay around for as long as I can so we can share more time and memories, and I can be there for them as I have always been for as long as I can.
You and I have the same kind of crappy cancer, so I know some of the dark places your mind goes. Our statistics are not good. But I have outlived my prognosis and feel pretty smug about it. You were diagnosed not too long after I was, so I believe that you are doing okay too. This is the place to vent and let out your fears, feelings, and frustration. We will never judge you and will always understand and support you. I have done a great deal of whining in this site and have received nothing but love in return. Whatever you are feeling right now is okay to feel, it is honest and takes you to the next level. Just be you, it is a pretty great thing to be. You are in my prayers,
Gaile
Well looks like UK has done a lot better than Canada as far as medals go and yes these have been amazing records and feats. My husband swears there is cheating in the judging and I think he might be right but after all that is part of its history. So sorry to hear you are feeling blue and wondering about your future. Those days come and thankfully they go, if we are up to the challenge. Sometimes I think the words “fight cancer” has mostly to do with attitude, the ability to pick up say f@@@ it and just live the best way we can for as long as we can. That’s my impression anyway about how to beat it. There is no cure so let’s be honest. Your feelings are real and most likely need to be said out loud. Somehow it means more to express them, write them and believe what they mean. That way, the floor is swept clean and now you can start making meals again, and mess up the floor all over again. (obviously that’s meant as an image). I hope there are better days ahead, like tonight for example. More Olympics yahooo. Prayers from Canada. Weezie